Sunday, October 9, 2011

Just another Saturday...

*My apologies to anyone who also reads my daughter's blog. You've probably already heard this story.

The family went to IKEA on Saturday afternoon. I have to say I wasn't fully prepared for the experience I was about to have. Let's start at the beginning. Jordin needed a bed and dresser. Jay needed a desk, so I, in my infinite wisdom, suggested we go to IKEA. I had heard it was a great place to get inexpensive furniture that looked nice. So we piled in the Suburban and off we went.

Once on the highway, I realized Jay didn't have her seat belt on. She's had an aversion to seat belts for a couple of years now. Being tired of this battle I decided to hit her where it hurt. I told her that if I had to tell her to put her seat belt on again I would take her phone away for a week. 

We got to IKEA-land and I immediately started to question my wisdom. It was insanity. At this point I have to say the inventors of IKEA are genius. They laid out the store so you HAVE to walk through the entire thing to check out! To those people, I say you are brilliant. And probably responsible for driving several parents crazy from hearing, "Ooooohhhhhh! I want that!!" a million times in the 15 hours it takes to get from the front door to the check out. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. 

After paying Greg and Jordin started loading everything into the car and found that the mattress and box springs we bought weren't going to fit IN the Suburban, so they tied it to the top of the car with the twine provided by the store. Anytime we're driving with anything strapped to the top of the car I get nervous. As we're pulling away, I ask Greg if he's sure it's secure. He sighed the sigh of the unjustly questioned and said it was fine.

Being a control freak woman, I decided to keep an eye on things in the side view mirror. After the 3rd 5th 10th time I asked Greg if he was sure it was okay, he told me to let him know if it looked like it was starting to float. I immediately told him it looked like it was floating. Sighing another sigh of the unjustly persecuted, he pulled to the shoulder of the highway and tightened everything down and off we went again. 

Still nervous, I kept watch in the mirror. I had just finished telling Greg that it looked like the box springs was being pulled up by air when we all heard a weird noise. I looked back to the mirror in time to see the box springs floating vertically in the air behind us! Greg pulled to the shoulder and backed up as much as possible. Then hopped out of the car to try to get the mattress and box springs off the highway. The highway was four lanes across. The box springs landed right in the middle of the highway and the mattress made it all the way to the other shoulder. 

I don't think I can really describe the feelings going through me as I watched my husband defy death by running across the highway 4 times. Although the point where he stopped and did something resembling jumping jacks to make sure the cars barreling toward him knew he was there was interesting. Miraculously, both the mattress and box springs were fine (although the corner of the mattress did get run over by 1 car).

So now Greg and I are standing on the side of the highway trying to figure out how to get everything IN the Suburban because that's our only option. We had to fold down the middle seat (aka: where the girls were sitting) so everything fit. We wrestled both items into the car, moved Jordin to the front seat with me and Jay sat in the back squished in with the furniture boxes. I just kept praying we would make it home without catching the attention of any cops. Because the only thing that could make the day any crazier would be a ticket.

The best part of the day? When we were almost home Jay says, "Hey Jordin, remember the time your mattress got run over by a car?" We didn't stop laughing the rest of the way home.


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