Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Unintended Hiatus

It's been a long time since I've written anything. Mostly because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I like to read blogs. I've subscribed to quite a few. I guess I would be considered a lurker. I read and read but I never comment. Because I'm scared to put myself out there. In all that blog reading I  have read several posts about being authentic in writing. That scares me. What if I write something that is really personal or really important and I get criticized for it? (I'm also afraid of all the "blog rules". Like you have to respond to all the comments and host giveaways and stuff like that. I'm constantly afraid of not doing something "right".)

This past year I've done a lot of self reflection. I've made a mental checklist of what I'd like to change/improve about myself. And there is a lot. The main thing I've realized is that I've let fear stop me from doing things I want to do. I never used to be like that. When I was 21 I trained and fought in a kickboxing match, because I was scared to get hit. I needed to know I could handle it. And the only way to find out is to get hit. But now I think about doing something and I get scared so I don't.

So after all this self reflection I decided that starting now I'm not going to let fear stop me. I'm going to do things in spite of the fear. Here is a short list of my goals for the year:

  • Start Violin lessons - I took violin in elementary school. I didn't keep it up and have recently started regretting it. I'm afraid to take lessons because that's something kids do. But I'm going to do it anyway.
  • Get my motorcycle license - My husband has a motorcycle. He's had it for about 5 years now. When he bought it I started saying I was going to get my license but I knew I probably wouldn't because I'm afraid of the class and looking stupid.
  • Lose Weight/Get Healthy - Putting this out there is probably the hardest one for me. I'm completely embarrassed about my weight. I'm starting to really figure out why I've keep all the excess weight on for so long. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to put those reasons out there, but not yet.
So going forward this blog is going to be my way of putting myself out there. It's how I'm going to start overcoming that fear.