Unintended Hiatus

It's been a long time since I've written anything. Mostly because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I like to read blogs. I've subscribed to quite a few. I guess I would be considered a lurker. I read and read but I never comment. Because I'm scared to put myself out there. In all that blog reading I  have read several posts about being authentic in writing. That scares me. What if I write something that is really personal or really important and I get criticized for it? (I'm also afraid of all the "blog rules". Like you have to respond to all the comments and host giveaways and stuff like that. I'm constantly afraid of not doing something "right".)

This past year I've done a lot of self reflection. I've made a mental checklist of what I'd like to change/improve about myself. And there is a lot. The main thing I've realized is that I've let fear stop me from doing things I want to do. I never used to be like that. When I was 21 I trained and fought in a kickboxing match, because I was scared to get hit. I needed to know I could handle it. And the only way to find out is to get hit. But now I think about doing something and I get scared so I don't.

So after all this self reflection I decided that starting now I'm not going to let fear stop me. I'm going to do things in spite of the fear. Here is a short list of my goals for the year:

• Start Violin lessons - I took violin in elementary school. I didn't keep it up and have recently started regretting it. I'm afraid to take lessons because that's something kids do. But I'm going to do it anyway.
• Get my motorcycle license - My husband has a motorcycle. He's had it for about 5 years now. When he bought it I started saying I was going to get my license but I knew I probably wouldn't because I'm afraid of the class and looking stupid.
• Lose Weight/Get Healthy - Putting this out there is probably the hardest one for me. I'm completely embarrassed about my weight. I'm starting to really figure out why I've keep all the excess weight on for so long. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to put those reasons out there, but not yet.

So going forward this blog is going to be my way of putting myself out there. It's how I'm going to start overcoming that fear.

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Peaceful

It's 11:56 pm Wednesday night.

I'm the only one up.

Even the dogs are asleep! (all 3 of them)

The house is completely silent...

...except for the thunderstorm.

It's amazing where we can find peace.

I can't believe it's been almost two months since my last post!

The last time I posted anything was on Christmas Eve, letting everyone know we made it to Colorado for Christmas.

We had a great time! We went swimming and played games and watched a different scary movie every night.

There were 18 of us in one 4 bedroom house (3 of the bedrooms were already occupied by residents) so every night was a giant slumber party in the family room.

This was the first time we were all in the same place at the same time in for-ev-er. So we had to get family pictures.

All too soon we had to go home.

On the way home from the airport we picked up our new puppy. She was 9 weeks old when we got her and she is so much fun!

She's our third Australian Cattle Dog and it's amazing how smart she is.

We got home and reality set in.

Sometimes reality can kick you in the butt.

The last two months have really been a struggle for our family.

I'm not going to go into details, but I will say that I went into survival mode. Anything not completey necessary for our survival (ie. food, work) was let go.

I've since realized (again) that in order to get my family through challenges I have to take care of myself. And this blog is one way I do that.

I love the blogging community. There are so many amazing people out there!

One thing I know is, life is hard. One thing the blogging world brings home is that, life is hard for everyone. We all have our struggles, no matter where we are.

What a blessing this technology is that we can bear each other's burdens and mourn with those that mourn and celebrate from across the globe.

Have a fabulous Monday!